I, too, used to believe this: that even the “right” relationship would take a lot of work and be simply exhausting. But now that I’m in the “right” relationship (i.e. a healthy relationship full of complete trust and openness) I have learned this is not the case.
98% of the time, things are extremely easy. We love and care for each other, so it is effortless to take each other’s needs and wants into consideration. The 2% of difficulties aren’t even usually difficulties between us — they are life difficulties that we choose to work through together.
This tends to be possible because my partner and I maintain a belief of no-expectations. We accept one another for whoever we show up as each day. When one of us (namely me) feels threatened or uncertain, we voice it right away, instead of letting things build up.
I now look back at past relationships — some lasted a few months, some a year, one was five years…
What about that year after you “broke up” but didn’t date anyone new? You still talked every day, visited each weekend, slept in each other’s bed…
Okay, six years if you count that. Looking back on those relationships, there was so much crying. So much yelling. So much anger and frustration. In short, they required a lot of emotional effort, leaving me feeling completely drained.
Now that I have a healthy, loving relationship, I’m amazed that I could have ever believed that good relationships weren’t effortless and emotionally recharging.