Why I stopped online dating

The reasons I decided that I’d rather just live life, and let whatever is meant to be, be.

A little over a year ago, after a fifteen-month relationship, I found myself single — again.

“If I meet someone within a year, we can be married by the time I’m thirty-three and that still gives us a year before we’d need to start trying for kids. My uterus will still be viable”

The man. The marriage. The kids. Then I’d be happy.

The start of round three

I’ve online dated (OD) before. In fact, my last two serious relationships were with men I met online — however, I don’t really recommend it as a healthy option.

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  • I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count and while I can proudly say I’ve never ghosted, I have been guilty of leaving my own string of broken hearts.
  • I’ve been roofied and almost raped (two separate events, and almost being an extremely keyword).
  • I’ve been through countless renditions of my own profile and developed a pretty thorough system of how to check for “worthwhile” candidates.
  • I’ve had two serious relationships

The turning point

Four months in, I became utterly exhausted. It was May, and between moving, working full time, and preparing for the end of season performance (with family in town), I was just too busy to make time for dating. By this point, I’d already enlisted a friend to help with dog care because of my neglectful feelings, so making time for strange men was not at top of my priority list. It was barely on the list at all.

An infuriating text

One day during show week, while waiting backstage for one of my pieces to begin, I read a message from someone whom I’d only been texting with a few days. A message that made me livid.

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That’s not going to happen. You take forever to respond to me and when you do, you’re cold and withdrawn. I have no desire to meet someone like that, never mind date them. Good luck finding true love with such a cold heart.

Who the fuck did this man think he was?

Drastic changes

I moved and acquired a roommate, joined a new earth-conscious, hipster coworking space, and started going to a climbing and yoga gym.

The Change

In mid-September, 2 weeks into ‘unemployment’ I deactivated my only remaining dating profile, and I’ve never been happier.

Sassy+Loving. Scientific+Spiritual. Nomadic. Always sincere, often wry. Hopefully romantic. Polymath.

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